On Dating

In biblical times, the selection of a mate involved arranged marriages. For younger readers, an arranged marriage is when your parents and you mate's parents decide that you will get married. You could be a 14 year old girl and end up marrying a 42-year old man. It was life.

Today, most Western cultures are very different. This time, YOU choose who you are going to marry, parental approval or not. However, when searching for a mate, you MUST follow five steps. These steps are completely Scriptural and VERY wise.

First, you MUST make sure that G-d is guiding you in your search. This is perhaps the MOST CRUCIAL part of the whole process. If G-d is NOT in it, it will NOT turn out well.

Tehillim (Psalm) 37:3-4
Trust in ADONAI, and do good; settle in the land, and feed on faithfulness. Then you will delight yourself in ADONAI, and he will give you your heart's desire.

If you put your trust in G-d, you will NOT fail. If He is guiding your steps, you will NOT trip.

Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 12:1
So remember your creator while you are young, before the evil days come, and the years approach when you will say, "They no longer give me pleasure"...

My personal method for dating is to pray constantly to G-d. Whenever I have feelings for a girl, the first thing I do is pray and ask G-d if she is the one. If He says no, I never have those feelings again for that girl. Eventually, G-d will either say, "You will remain single in order to do My Work." or "Yes, My Child, she is the one." Follow this method and you will NEVER go wrong.

Step Two: Make sure your parents are supportive of your decision.

Mishlei (Proverbs) 6:20-24
My son, obey your father's command, and don't abandon your mother's teaching. Bind them always on your heart, tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you wake up, they will talk with you. For the mitzvah is a lamp, Torah is light, and reproofs that discipline are the way to life. They keep you from an evil woman, from a loose woman's seductive tongue.

You're probably thinking something along the lines of the fact that you're parents won't let you do anything. But if you sit down with them and talk, staying calm and respectful no matter WHAT they say, you'll eventually win them over. With G-d's help, of course. But you MUST have parental involvement. G-d is your first guide, your parents are your second.

Ephesians 6:2-3
"Honor your father and mother" - this is the first commandment that embodies a promise - "so that it may go well with you, and you may live long in the Land."

Step Three: Marriage should ONLY be with another believer.

This one is a bit more lenient. For example, I could see myself marrying a Christian girl despite the fact that I am not a Christian. Likewise, I could see a Christian marrying a Jew. But that is as far as it should go.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15
Do not yoke yourselves together in a team with unbelievers. For how can righteousness and lawlessness be partners? What fellowship does light have with darkness? What harmony can there be between the Messiah and B'liya'al? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

Step Four: Intermarriage was a VERY serious problem in the Tanakh and is an excellent example of what to avoid today.

While today interracial marriage is perfectly alright and acceptable, interfaith marriage can be a bad thing. As I said, Jew-Christian or Christian-Jew marriages are perfectly acceptable. The only difference between the two is that one believes Messiah has come and is coming again, the other believes that Messiah hasn't come.

Shof'tim (Judges) 3:6-7
So the people of Isra'el lived among the Kena'ani, Hitti, Emori, P'rizi, Hivi and Y'vusi; taking their daughters as their wives, giving their own daughters to their sons and serving their gods. Thus the people of Isra'el did what was evil from ADONAI's perspective, forgot ADONAI their G-d, and served the ba'alim and asherim.

Sometimes, interfaith marriages can bring you down. Do NOT let that happen! The WORST thing a person can do is turn their back on G-d. Take for example Rivkah in B'resheet (Genesis) 24. Avraham told his servant to find a wife for his son Yitz'chak NOT from the people of Kena'an, the land they were living in, but from his OWN land and his OWN people. Also take a look at Rivkah's character. She was a kind girl, very loving and caring. Avraham's servant wanted a drink, and she gave it to him. No questions asked.

Step Five: Make sure you set high standards and guidelines for your relationship.

You must set very high standards and guidelines for your relationship. Make sure you both go into it knowing each other's boundaries. Personally, since I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy, I don't think you should go any farther than holding hands and a kiss. Then after you know each other for a while, you can get into other stuff. But if you feel aroused, BACK UP!

Iyov (Job) 31:1
I made a covenant with my eyes not to let them lust after any girl.

2 Timothy 2:22
So, flee the passions of youth; and, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart, pursue righteousness, faithfulness, love and peace.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
What G-d wants is that you be holy, that you keep away from sexual immorality, that each of you know how to manage his sexual impulses in a holy and honorable manner, without giving in to lustful desires, like the pagans who don't know G-d.